Outnumbered 4 to 1: a day in the life of a "single dad"

Today I am experiencing being outnumbered 4 to 1. With Stephanie out of town for a family event, I'm a 'single parent' for a couple of days. Things started out well enough on Friday - I took a short day at work and picked up the kids on time from the bus stop and the babysitters. I had picked up a surprise movie for the kids from RedBox. Dinner was hamburgers and home-made potato chips and veggies. I had also picked up caramel apples for dessert. We carved a pumpkin! And to top it off, kids were in bed by 8:30, and I was in bed by 9:30 with a clean house.

This morning, everyone was up by 6:30 am. Well rested, I put on the steel cut oatmeal that I had pre-boiled the night before. Everyone seemed to like it! After making beds and putting away pajamas, the kids did a repeat with their movie from the night before while I cleaned up after breakfast. During the movie the kids had pulled most of the cushions off the couch during the movie, and it took a bit of convincing to get them to put them back. Other than that the house had stayed pretty clean. *sigh*

Then, as I was folding laundry and doing morning chores, the kids started in with their daily routine of dismembering the game room. Determined to not lose too much ground from the day before, I gave directions for putting away toys they weren't currently using. I was met with the usual ambivalence as they tossed things aside after losing interest. hmmmm...

Giving up for the moment, I decided to head back to the kitchen. I was emptying out Avery's lunch box from the day before when I found a mostly full pack of gum and some decorative glass beads... gum and beads that didn't come from our house. Just a few days before, Avery had stolen a sucker from another friends house, and we had her take it back and apologize. I spoke to Avery about where she had gotten the gum and beads but the only answer I could get was "I don't remember". This girl knows how to withstand interrogation. I spoke with Avery about stealing and then made a mental note to stop by our friends' when we went out later to return the stolen gum and beads . Rrrrrrrrr....

The kids wanted to make pumpkin pies today as well. I thought that sounded like a nice treat, so I agreed. We made up the filling first with Avery's help. Then I spent a good half hour hunting down a pie crust recipe. The whole while I got "are we going to finish the pies?" "When are we going to make the crusts?" and "Are you going to make the crusts now?". Yes, for heaven's sake, we will make the crusts just as soon as I can find the elusive recipe and figure out how to mix the ingredients since there are no instructions on the recipe!!!

*Deep breath* As I was working with Avery to mix the pie crust ingredients, Weston had joined her on the chair without me noticing. Not being able to see what was in the mixing bowl on the counter, Weston tipped it over to see what was inside. He managed to knock over almost the entire bowl of pie filling across the range, front of the oven, the floor, and the refrigerator. GAUGHH!!!! Okay, he's 2, and didn't realize what might happen, but I was really frustrated at this point. I was starting to lose it.

I sent all the kids out of the kitchen and refused to committ to any additional activities for the day until the kitchen was clean. I spent the next 30 minutes wiping down stove heating elements, catch pans, under the stove lid, the oven door, inside the oven, under the oven, the floor, the refrigerator door, etc. In the meantime the kids started a screaming and chasing game in the house. I ignored them and let their activiy play out. I would like to say it was because I was being a laid back parent, but it was more because I needed some time to myself without having to answer question after question after question.

I managed to finish the crusts, make more pie filling and get the pies into baking while the kids played together in relative peace. While the pies were baking, I attempted to get the house picked up once more. I got the kids involved and gave them cleaning tasks. Without exception, each of ther initial responses was "I didn't make the mess." For better or worse, my response became "I didn't ask if you made the mess, I told you to clean it up." *Sigh* This wasn't going so well. Finally, house once again clean and pies out of the oven, I decided it was time to get out of the house and take care of some errands. In the thirty seconds it takes to get from our door into the car there was arguing, hitting, and attitude about seat assignments. That was it. I was done. I set in on the kids with threats of canceling trick-or-treating tonight (we had planned to go out tonight instead of Sunday). I warned them that if there was any more arguing, hitting, yelling, whining, attitude, or stealing, trick-or-treating was off. Silence. Finally, blessed silence. Everyone was suddenly on their best behavior (well, the kids were anyway).

In the car to the grocery store, Weston fell asleep. I knew this was inevitable and decided to soldier on. I pushed through the store at a pace almost daring the girls to keep up with Weston in one arm and pushing the car in another. I fended of all of the "Dad, can we get this?" with calm and rehearsed responses. We made it to the checkout line in good time, unloaded the cart, and then I realized I had left my wallet at home. I loaded everything back in the cart and parked it explaining to the cashier I would be back and to please not move our cart.

After a quick trip home, we got back to the grocery store, bought our groceries, and finished the rest of our errands. Avery did a decent job apologizing. I think for now she'll more likely not steal to avoid being forced by her parents to confess against those trespassed. We left for home with Weston still asleep in the car.

We arrived home at 5. I sent the girls to play and put Weston on the couch as he was waking up. Britta went over to Weston and rubbed his face trying to sooth him but ended up rousing him . This sent Weston into hysterical whining and crying, begging to be picked up, and finally a tantrum on the kitchen floor. All the while I am trying to put away groceries, make a new recipe (Coconut Curry with Tofu - I know, what was I thinking?), and field the questions being flung at me like a fast-pitch pitching machine. Make that two fast-pitch pitching machines. The girls finally gave up when I tried to make them take turns with the questions and went to go dismember the play room again. I warned them that they wouldn't be served dinner until the play room was clean. Weston rolled around the kitchen floor pitching and whining. At this point I realized it was a good idea to postpone trick-or-treating until tomorrow night.

Somehow I got dinner ready. I sat Weston down with his food and some water and realized he hadn't been this quiet in 30 minutes. I then payed the girls a visit and set them back to cleaning. Once it was common knowledge that dinner was ready but couldn't be eaten until the game room was clean, I was met with a chorus of excuses: "my leg is hurting", "this is going to take too long", and "I didn't make that mess". Knowing the girls needed some help, I pitched in and helped direct the effort. Finally, with the game room clean, everyone was invited to the table for dinner.

No one liked it. No real surprise, but I had hoped.... So, I made macaroni and cheese for the kids, which they ate. I never really understood why macaroni and cheese is so appetizing to kids. I'll eat it, but I don't think I've asked for it since I was 12. I pitched the idea of postponing trick-or-treating until tomorrow night in exchange for 2 pieces of candy and a movie tonight. Everyone agreed. After dinner, everyone had a slice of pumpkin pie. Avery was perhaps the most enthusiastic about it, asking for seconds.

Weston in the meantime had started chanting "Speed" for about the 5th time in two days. ("Speed" is what he calls the Disney movie "Cars"). Cars had been missing for the past two days, and Weston was going through withdrawals. I had been looking for the movie without success until I thought to check the key basket on the kitchen counter. Hallalujah, I found Cars! I put on the movie for the kids so I could have a moment to myself. I passed out two pieces candy to each girl. I felt myself start to get wound up again when I found scissors on the kitchen floor. Eden had thrown them down after opening her candy. Seriously.

The movie went well. Eden read, Avery and I played a game of Guess Who, and Weston was quiet and happy for over an hour and a half. Now, at the end of the day, I am feeling a little guilty about getting so worked up about things. I think it stems from unrealistic expectations about keeping the house clean and having cooperation from the kids. Can I just say that I am glad that today is over? I need another good nights sleep. I also need to reset my expectations. I should also say that I am seriously impressed when I come home from work and Stephanie has dinner made, the house is clean, and the kids are in bed. She seems to know quite a bit more about how to wage a successful campaign when she is outnumbered 4 to 1.