The Most Ridiculous Workout Equipment of All Time

The Hawaii Chair (The Winner!!) - First of all, I love the advertisement on the website showing all the women riding this thing with their hands in the air. It's like a geriatric roller coaster.

Woman #1: "Whoo-OO!!!! What a ride! I can't even feel my hip replacment!"

Woman #2: "I know! I haven't had this much excitement since I doubled my fiber intake!"

But seriously, what the heck??? I don't understand how having your rear shoved around while you're sitting on it is supposed to help you burn calories. Isn't the point of working out to burn calories? Don't you have to exhert effort to burn calories? The most this thing gets used is when the grandkids come over and want a ride.

The Gazelle - My wife and I were house-sitting for some friends one summer and we found a Gazelle in their upstairs media room. Since no one was around I gave it a try. The feeling of having your legs swinging forward and back beneath me felt a little silly. I only gave the thing a couple of minutes, not really long enough to even find out if you get a good workout. I felt too goofy to continue. Another thing about the Gazelle I don’t get: what is it about Tony Little striding in spandex and a pony tail that is supposed to inspire a good workout? Tony Little is to fitness what Richard Simmons is to dieting.


“Abtronic” - I’m not sure what this piece of equipment’s real name is, but Abtronic seems to fit. [UPDATE: it is in fact called the Abtronic] My friend Brian bought one of these from an infomercial. The thing is basically a wide belt of fabric that you wear around your abdomen. Electrodes powered by batteries protrude from the belt and make contact with the skin of your stomach. The idea is that the electronic pulses the electrodes emit (you can really crank them up) cause your muscles to tighten thereby working them out for you.

We were first introduced to the Abtronic at Brian’s apartment after a swimming party. (Come to think of it, Brian’s apartment had several bizarre pieces of workout equipment). He put the Abtronic on and dropped on the couch to “work out”. After a couple of minutes everyone was curious and wanted a turn. One of our friends suggested his girlfriend put it on her rear to tighten that up. After getting slapped, he got the brilliant idea to place the electrodes directly on his forehead. Ha ha ha! I’ll never forget his expression of agony as the electric pulses started. He had a headache for the next 20 minutes. Not to be outdone I had the equally stupid idea to wrap the thing around my neck. The funny faces my spasming neck muscles created got the laughs I was after, but MAN! That thing really hurt! My neck and jaw muscles were sore for the rest of the day.


“Spine Snapper” – Again, not its real name, the Spine Snapper was another abs workout machine found in Brian’s apartment. It is a chair without a back. Instead, a single rod of flexible material is attached to the back of the seat of the chair and connected to a horseshoe shaped piece of metal with hand grips on the end. You grab the grips on either side, and then you supposedly rock side to side and back and forth to work your abs. Instead, you were more likely to get carried away and completely fold your back in half. The thing must have been the origin of several lawsuits.