Happy New Year

It was suggested to my by a friend that one of my New Year’s resolutions should be to blog more regularly. I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment. Instead I have resolved the following:

1. Say thank you more often
2. Reach out to others in kindness and show a sincere interest in them
3. Pay more attention during conversations I’m having by sitting down and focusing on the person (i.e. my wife)
4. Eat more healthy and exercise regularly
5. Share stories of my growing up years and family with my wife and children
6. Stop taking myself so seriously

I’ve often heard that the best goals stretch you, are attainable, and can be measured. All of these will take more than a couple of weeks to complete and will take some effort, but I’m not exactly sure how to measure all of them. What kind of metric do you use to measure the level of kindness you are showing others? When do you know you aren’t taking yourself so seriously?

I think when a change involves your personality or attitude the progress is measured by how much you like your new self and whether you are actually creating a new you. And perhaps the best measurement is if other people notice a change. For example, if my wife notices that I’m less uptight than I used to be, I’ve succeeded. If others want to be around me more or are friendlier maybe I’ve succeeded in being kinder and saying thank you more often.

I’m actually excited about my resolutions this year. But I’m still dreading this year somewhat.

This year I’m turning 30 in June. I didn’t think it would bother me. My hair is already falling out, I have three children, I’m already softer than I was a year ago. What else can happen to make me feel older? However, somehow 30 still seems like a threshold to something threatening. I think turning 30 is all about perceptions. I have perceptions that people over 30 are supposed to settle down. They should have mortgages and join the PTA. They don’t have as many adventures, are more responsible in their careers and even in their casual associations. Basically, unstructured time is over! Now I know these thoughts aren’t realistic and that these changes aren’t abruptly instituted when you turn 30, but it still seems scary.

But when I think about the other seemingly scary thresholds in life, 30 doesn’t seem so bad. Graduating high school and going to college was one of the first big ones. I remember thinking that somehow I was going to have to take care of myself if I got sick, feed myself, earn my own keep, etc. I would have to set my own rules and get myself out of sticky situations. But it was equally exciting. So was going on a mission out of the country for two years. So was getting married. Actually getting married didn’t seem so scary to me. Sure I committed the rest of my life to one person, but Stephanie is perfect for me. She’s the Yin for my Yang. On the other hand, having kids was a bit scary at first. Children were something we both wanted right away (and we got it right away too). Figuring out how to raise a child and be a parent was the daunting part. But like anything you’ve never tried before you’re rarely very good when you first start. Now that we’ve had some “practice” things don’t seem so daunting (true, no teenagers yet). It feels like determining how well my children turn out will be kind of like my New Year’s resolutions – it’s hard to measure success on a day-to-day basis, but you can tell if you’re doing a good job with your kids if people comment on how nice they are, and if you enjoy being around them.