Haste makes waste (Part II)

I think my Dad knew from the time I was very young that I was likely to get myself into plenty of messes as a result of my hastiness. The phrases "haste makes waste" and "look before you leap" as well as "if your best friend jumped off a bridge, would you?" were regulars in my childhood. Unfortunately, I can't say I've fully learned the lesson.

Today's lesson began before church. Stephanie and I usually have a Family Home Evening planning session on Sunday's right after church; we plan out what we are going to do for our Monday night family time and involve the kids in the planning as well as the execution of our Monday nights. To keep the kids interested we make sure that a snack is part of the planning meeting. Steph had mentioned earlier this morning that she wanted to do something more healthy (than popsicles, animal crackers, or even popcorn) and that homemade bread was what she had in mind. As time before church was getting short I decided I would help out by putting the ingredients in the bread maker.

I grabbed the recipe book for the breadmaker out of the cabinet and started tossing the ingredients into the breadmaker pan. We've followed this recipe so many times that it was almost second nature. Steph noticed I was taking care of the bread and said thanks as I started. When I was done two minutes later she said, "Wow! Are you done already? Did you measure everything out?" Now, it's only because of 7 years of experience together that she would need to ask that question. My response: "Yes. Why do you ask?" Of course I had used measuring cups and spoons! True, some of the ingredients spilled over at times, but I did measure. Mostly. Stephanie wisely replied, "Because I'm worried that the bread won't turn out and then the girls would be disappointed." I asserted that everything would be fine as I used a spatula to push the excess flour down the sides of the pan into the doughy ball the breadmaker was kneading. Seeing me prod the dough Steph exclaimed, "What are you doing?! You're going to ruin it!" I gave her a confident smirk and again asserted that my poking the dough was in no way going to ruin the bread. [While this last bit may have been true, the scientific method wasn't completely followed and this hypothesis will have to be tested at a future date.] I quickly added some more flour as I noticed the dough ball looked a little more sticky than it should.

When we got back from church, it took us a few minutes to get unloaded and settled before I thought to ask Steph from the bedroom how the bread turned out. Catching Steph off guard, she responded, "Oh! Just a second let me check." Seconds later I hear laughter break out in the kitchen. "What? Did it turn out?", I ask somewhat nervously. Surely this must have been a ploy. When I got to the kitchen to check on my creation I was greeted by an odd sight. It looked like the bread had taken a meteorite right in the center and a shield of shrapnel had formed up against the lid of the breadmaker.




Now, while I can't say exactly what cause this formation, my current theory is that a massive gas bubble formed in the middle of the bread dough which burst during baking and collapsed in on itself creating my unique "inverted cone shaped loaf" as Steph called it. The story could stop here, but of course it doesn't. Steph began asking me if there was anything I didn't measure exactly.

Well, I wasn't POSITIVE that I got exactly 1 cup and 2 tablespoons of water; it could have been a little more.

Steph asked if that was all I hadn't measured.

Yeah, that was all. Well, and maybe the honey too. You know how the honey sticks to things. I couldn't get it all of the tablespoon so I guessed that only about half of what I measured made it into the pan, so the second tablespoon was a heaping tablespoon... or possibly two. But that was it.

Steph probed through her laughter if there was anything else I didn't measure.

Come on! Of course I measured everything! (pause). But, then I'm not 100% sure about the butter. It was kind of spread out on the wrapper, but it LOOKED like it was about a tablespoon. Surely a little extra butter couldn't have cause the formation of an inverted cone. But that was it; everything else was measured accurately.

Was I sure? (More laughter)

Yeah. Of course. ...I did use the tablespoon to measure out the salt. I needed 1 1/2 teaspoons which anyone who bakes knows that this is the same as a half tablespoon. I didn't want to dirty another measuring spoon, so I just half-filled the tablespoon. And I guess the powdered milk did come out of the pour spout a little fast and overflowed the tablespoon just a *little*, but that couldn't have caused the bread disaster.

At this point Steph asked me why I told her that the only thing I didn't measure correctly was the water. I decided that this was the point when complete and total honesty was my only option. "I couldn't admit to all that up front; I have an image to maintain!" At this point Steph lost it in a fit of laughter. I can't say I blame her. I'm sure the image I was maintaining wasn't worth much even before this bread fiasco.

So, not only am I a hasty button pusher, I am also a haphazard measurer. But I would like to point out that at this very moment there is not a bit of my inverted cone shaped loaf left to prove that my bread wasn't every bit as tasty as a normal loaf. You know, it's too bad that inverted cone bread loaves didn't catch on. I'm sure they would hold a lot more butter and jam than any regular loaf of bread.